Blahg by Mr. Moritz

“Bennett Cerf, Dr. Seuss’s publisher, wagered $50 that Seuss could not write a book using only fifty different words. The bet came after Seuss completed The Cat in the Hat, which used 225 words.”

The fifty words used are:

a
am
and
anywhere
are
be
boat
box
car
could
dark
do
eat
eggs
fox
goat
good
green
ham
here
house
I
if
in
let
like
may
me
mouse
not
on
or
rain
Sam
say
see
so
thank
that
the
them
there
they
train
tree
try
will
with
wouldM
you

(via Green Eggs and Ham - Wikipedia)

It’s nice to see Vanity Fair take some time out from profiling obscure Polish royalty, Evelyn Waugh and people with the last name “Agnelli” in order to investigate some of the more intriguing faces to be found in the stands at Wimbledon. Therefore, Mr. Moritz recommends the following VF.com multimedia slideshow: “14 Tennis Wives and Girlfriends Worth Scanning the Wimbledon Stands For”.

Mr. Moritz was feeling just a tad bit blue this morning. No reason in particular other than a controversial decision to stop drinking coffee and the recollection that Law & Order is about to end and an irritating knocking noise coming from the engine of Flowerbomber One. So it was more than a treat to be sent this vid of the world’s most awesome tortoise and his upside down buddy. Enjoy.

YouTube - Tortoise helps tortoise

If you, like Mr. Moritz, are desperately struggling for ways to actually enjoy watching the World Cup — and you’re still sticking in there despite the fact that games can actually end in a tie(!?) — you’re going to want to check out this instructional video on how to tweak your audio EQ settings to remove that un-Godly background cacophony that is the sound of 100,000 vuvuzela horns honking. 

And just for the record: Mr. Moritz has no personally beef against vuvuzela horns. It’s not even that he actually dislikes them, he just feels better when they’re not around.

Ever wanted to own a piece of Mr. Moritz? Now you can… Mr. Moritz is currently listed on Empire Avenue. Ticker Symbol: MORITZ. 

Get a piece before the price skyrockets!

@ Empire Avenue

(and just ignore this: EAVB_KGFNGRWHRP  it’s Mr. Moritz’s verification code and is nothing for you to concern your pretty little eyes with.)

While you might think the odds of our friends at BP unleashing a torrent of black gold at Mr. Moritz’s 90210 HQ are pretty slim given that it’s Top Secret location is 7.839 miles from the coast (as as the oil-sodden crow flies). But, hey, judging by the wisdom dispensed by @BPCares, never say never.

So with that in mind, it seemed a useful exercise to see exactly what the disaster would look like if a wellhead riser pipe were gushing directly underneath “Mr. Moritz: The Man Cave” instead of 50 miles off the coast of Louisiana. Sadly, an on-site liquid simulation of the potential damage was roundly nixed by Mrs. Moritz who, admittedly, possesses a keener sensitivity to the scientific curiosity threshold of the 90210 population known as “Mr. Moritz: The Neighbors”. 

Fortunately, however, another option presented itself via ifitwasmyhome.com — a Google Maps mashup which plots the current size and shape of the expanding slick onto the location of your choice. Here’s how:

The data used to create the spill image comes from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. NOAA releases a daily report detailing where the spill is going to be within the next 24 hours. They do this by collecting data from a number of sources, including satellite imagery and reports by trained observers who have made helicopter flights back and forth across the potentially affected areas.

Of course, the real reason that everyone on the planet should try this out for themselves is that sometimes it requires a little first-hand, personal perspective to truly appreciate/empathize/be-moved-to-assist the fate of others. 

Of course, being the socially-conscious/empathetic wellhead that Mr. Moritz is, he decided to see exactly how some other notable locations might fare at the hands of the industrious folks over at BP:

Sarah Palin’s Lake Lucille home in Wasilla, Alaska

The Naples Community Church, spiritual home of Florida gubernatorial candidate, Rick Scott

 American Solutions for Winning the Future’s K Street Headquarters — “a unique tri-partisan organization designed to rise above traditional gridlocked partisanship” and Newt Gingrich-powered braintrust behind the catchy “Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less” catchphrase

Summit, NJ — home to Jim ”You know come on man, let them drill. I would drill in New Jersey under my pool if I knew there was gas there. What the heck?” Cramer

(A tip of “Mr. Moritz: The Hat” to ProgrammableWeb for this PW “Mashup of the Day” find.)